Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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