Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
