Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
handjob tips. give me some.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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