Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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