i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
The air was thick with penises
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize