Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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