I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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