Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
