A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
