i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
They took my balls.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
