I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
