I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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