As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
