Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
