Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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