Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
