My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
