no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize