hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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