You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
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