Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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