My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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