marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
