my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
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