Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
