You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
