It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
