When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
