Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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