I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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