Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
So apparently I’m into choking now
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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