so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
