booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I just blew my weed a kiss
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
