I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
