Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
