I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
