He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
