OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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