Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
