There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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