Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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