i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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