i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize