happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Randomize
