Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize