sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
