And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
