Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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