it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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