A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
