she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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