Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
