he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
