WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
