Can i not drive my cunt home
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
