I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
So many bounce houses so little time
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
