How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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