I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
