I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
