Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
