I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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