So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
