As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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