just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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