Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
