I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
NoShamevember. You game?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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