I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
