I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
