What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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