He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
