I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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