he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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