I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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