Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize