she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
