Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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