Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
