Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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