we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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