I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
