So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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