wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
