I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
