Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
