we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
