As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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