What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
