I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
