I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize
