I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
