There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
