FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
